it's not you, it's me...

Dear Ben&Jerry…

What does one say at a time like this? We have been together for so long… years really… you have brought a sweetness and richness into my life, like no other. You were there during my university days, when I crammed for finals and pulled all-nighters to complete my term papers (using a card-catalog and on a word-processor, no less). You were there when my roommates were out and I found myself home alone. You were there when he said “I wish I could have two wives.” You understood how that stung… that he was telling me I was second best. You waited for me while I spent 6 months in Moscow, Russia and two months in Duisburg, Germany for internships… I had to put some distance between me and him. You understood. You remained by my side as I struggled with my decision to leave Germany and its possibilities.

You were there as I celebrated with others – my birthdays, college graduation and my first “real” job. You were by my side for far too many lonely nights in my first apartment… as I wondered if I would ever find him. You were there for girl’s night with my Mom and sisters – where we had a rule of “no digging for the good stuff” as we passed you around… you never complained about our movie choices, although others might have… you didn’t even fuss if we had already seen it several times ;0} You were there as I had to be fitted for yet another bridesmaid dress and not my wedding gown (I do have 6 sisters… so it is to be expected, but I am also the oldest, so not really). You were there when I finally met “the one” on-line (you didn’t think I was crazy, even if our families did ;0})… you kept me company on those days where the distance between Massachusetts and California seemed unbearable.

You were there as I struggled as a new wife… transforming our virtual life into a real life… suddenly sharing physical space and not just mental and emotional. You were there as I struggled with infertility… and the empty nursery. You were there when I finally got a job (nanny jobs in Boston do NOT compare to those in California – that was a shock!). You were there when we lost Nessie during our move to Washington… and the many losses since then. You were there as we bought our first home… and stripped and re-finished the floors, and painted the walls and kitchen cabinets.  You were there as I found a better job and quickly moved up within the company. You were there when I saw the writing on the wall and made the move to another company… and celebrated becoming the manager and a bigger, much bigger paycheck. You were by my side when that company closed the doors of my store… and remained by my side as I faced months of rejection and unemployment… You were there as I returned to school as a “mature” student… once again taking exams and writing papers (much easier on a computer – no all-nighters this time).

You were there as I attempted to navigate all the changes that had come my way… as I questioned the future of my marriage and whether I was of any value to anyone… as I wondered if I would ever work again. You were by my side often after I insanely accepted, having actually sought, the job at the weight-loss clinic. I really wish you had spoken up on that one. Now that I think of it, you tried… you showed up almost daily ;0}. You were there as I took on work from home… but found that I needed human interaction. You were there as I waited and waited to hear from that company… the one that had 12,000 applicants for approx. 55 jobs. You were there as I second-guessed my decision to reject a job offer from a different company. It was a job… but I knew I would not be happy, but it was a job. You were there when I finally got that call from the company.

I’ve spent a little too much time with you… as evidenced by the full curve of my hips. I’ve turned to you often in my days of struggle (and a couple of times in celebration). You never complained. You did everything you could… you brought me cookies, peanut butter-filled pretzels, chocolate, nuts, caramel, coffee and cobbler. You even tried yogurt for me. It really isn’t you, it’s me. I’ve changed.

This has to be the end. You no longer have what I need. I’m sure there is someone out there for you… someone who needs you. Don’t hide yourself away. I know someone will see you and stop in their tracks. They’ll swoon and go weak in the knees, as I once did. They’ll open that freezer door, pick you up and bring you home. Heck, some may not even wait that long to open you up and take in all you have to offer.

It was good… very, very good, while it lasted. But I need to move on to something different… I’ll think of you every once in a while. In fact, I’ll be carrying memories of our times together for a few more months, but I’m going to work hard to put it behind me. I hope you understand this is how it must be… we must part ways… spooning with you is no longer an option.

love,

Kari Ann

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